I don't want to die, I just want to live another life

I wish I could be one of those people who forgets things. Just forgets about how people talk excitedly about doing something or going somewhere. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much when it's the day before and you're trying to figure out what's going on only to hear they forgot to tell you they can't go or decided against doing it.

There's a music festival in my town every year to kick off summer. I look forward to it. Last year was the most fun I had ever had there. It was amazing. This year was shaping up to be even better. More people were interested (my friend's roommates) so I thought there would be 6 of us. Last I heard three had dropped out. Then the night before one more couldn't go. I'm not upset with her. But I am with the remaining one who couldn't bother to get back to me until day 2 was starting.

It wasn't any fun being alone last night.

Now the fun of last year feels tainted. I wanted to recapture that but now I'm home alone knowing there's music and dancing and fun out there but I can't have any of it.

Here's Pop Goddess Athena He was great. Best half hour of my night.

Maybe my depression is back. I started a new job and it's only been two days but I'm so scared of screwing up and I feel so lost in that huge building.