tarantula: (ii)
So I got a new job in a production kitchen. The supervisors are alright. But I kind of hate it. I love cooking but it's not really cooking it's more portioning and vacuum sealing food to be shipped off and served at a deli counter later. I think I'm going to quit soon. I don't feel like I'm a good fit there.

At least I made a new friend. He seemed desperate for someone to talk to. (Mostly because he kept saying he's new in town and has no friends) so I kind of went out of my way to talk to him. He's such a gossip. I also gave him my phone number now he texts me about music. He gave me a ride home the other day and he wanted me to help him buy pants. But I was covered in food and my makeup had washed off so I was not going to go pants shopping.

I think I found my soulmate. He's a 36-year-old dork from SoCal.
tarantula: (iv)
I wish I could be one of those people who forgets things. Just forgets about how people talk excitedly about doing something or going somewhere. Maybe then it wouldn't hurt so much when it's the day before and you're trying to figure out what's going on only to hear they forgot to tell you they can't go or decided against doing it.

There's a music festival in my town every year to kick off summer. I look forward to it. Last year was the most fun I had ever had there. It was amazing. This year was shaping up to be even better. More people were interested (my friend's roommates) so I thought there would be 6 of us. Last I heard three had dropped out. Then the night before one more couldn't go. I'm not upset with her. But I am with the remaining one who couldn't bother to get back to me until day 2 was starting.

It wasn't any fun being alone last night.

Now the fun of last year feels tainted. I wanted to recapture that but now I'm home alone knowing there's music and dancing and fun out there but I can't have any of it.

Here's Pop Goddess Athena He was great. Best half hour of my night.

Maybe my depression is back. I started a new job and it's only been two days but I'm so scared of screwing up and I feel so lost in that huge building.
tarantula: (iii)
Hi hey, I live.

Since the school year is over I am laid off for Summer. BUT I went to a job fair last Wednesday and got a call yesterday about a real actual full time kitchen job. But it would be an hour commute until I'm able to find a place closer.

Right now I'm in a bit of a fog. It's hard to care about things or do anything but watch Pokemon let's plays. Pokemon Uranium is so weird. The power plant has melted down three times already? Half the pokemon are nuclear. But people still try to say nuclear power is safe and good. I don't know I feel like the game doesn't know what it's trying to say.

Tomorrow my sister comes home and I don't have to be this little dogs constant companion anymore. He's pretty cute but I feel like the rats are being neglected. They're getting old and it might be soon that we'll have to say goodbye.
tarantula: (xi)
I need someone to force me to write my exchange fic.

It sounded cute. The exchange is all about flowers and their meanings. Of course I would match with the one person who would pick nightshade and mock orange and such. All the edgy flowers with foreboding meanings. No "I love you forever" or "You are my strength" here. It's all "Beware" "Temptation" "Heartlessness" etc.

Then the prompt asks for one half of the pairing to cheat on his boyfriend with a dark version of him. I'm really trying to get a plot together where they can work through it and have a happy ending. It's just hard. This isn't the sort of thing I thought I was signing up for or what I have experience writing.

I feel like, just do it is the best solution but it's just not cooperating.

I want to write everything else but this.
All Voltron. I need to get into more fandoms.
tarantula: (x)
I convinced work that I need to come in at 9 so I get to keep my 9:00 start time!
Next step is to find a way to get a break. I think I'll talk my manager and figure out a way for someone to relieve the cashier for 30 minutes around 12:30 or 1:00 so I (or they) can get something to eat and sit.

But that will have to wait. It's Spring Break! I have to work tomorrow but I don't mind Friday closing shifts. It should be really quiet though most the students would have taken off by dinner time but you never know. I wonder if that means I'll have tons of extra food like last week, it was ridiculous how many extra salads and sandwiches I walked out with, there was even some yogurt and milk past its sellby. Or maybe they would have figured we'll see a drop in customers and not prepare as many. Only time will tell.

I have a lot of plans for next week but mostly I want to play games. I've only been able to play about an hour of NieR Automata but they were really embracing the bullet hell bits of NeiR at the beginning. Now that I'm thinking about it, the beginning sequence has a lot in common with NieR. Trying to save someone care about, ultimately losing but getting a do-over of sorts...
tarantula: (ix)
It was my birthday and no one included me in discussions on what to do today. At least I was thinking Thai sounded good and we did go to a Thai restaurant. I guess I honestly just don't care about my birthday anymore. After you turn 21 there's nothing much to look forward to. I even regularly forget how old I am.


But great news! My mom's friend has been promising me his old motorbike since last Summer and he finally delivered! I need to wait for the ice breams to melt so I can safely get it out of the driveway but I have a motorbike! No more busing to work. I'm flying down the hill on my motorbike. ...when mornings are above freezing.

Sucky news: They want to cut my hours down to 16. 10-2 Leaving me with just a half hour on either side of lunch to set/clean up. I technically, was supposed to start that last week but... they didn't change the time clock and I didn't know who to talk to since we're under new management. I do not want to talk to those guys from retail. Got it figured out though and I hope my outline of my duties convinces them that the cutback is a bad idea otherwise I guess I'll just quit. Or ask for a transfer. I'll start with transfer. I'm not dealing with their mess for that pay and no break.
tarantula: (ii)
Lent is officially upon us as of yesterday.

Even as a kid I think I liked this season a lot. Christmas time is wonderful and everything but lent made me feel special. It's kind of a weird feeling. Special because I need to give up something I like, because I was one of very few kids at school who did. I remember getting lots of questions. Mostly about why I can't eat candy or have a stick of gum. (Mom always decided that was what I was giving up.)

I think most people expected there to be a long list of complicated rules all about what I can and can't eat on what days. It's pretty simple though. No meat on Fridays or Ash Wednesday (or you could just fast.) In addition you give something up until Easter. It should be something you like or something that will better you in some way.

Last year I gave up soda because I was running to McDonald's for a large every day. It was so big and so cheep I craved that sweet coke. I realized that was super unhealthy and needed to stop. After lent I went to McDonald's much less often.


The point is to suffer (quietly, just a little) and come out of the season a better person for having realized you can live without this thing you like or changed you perspective a little. This year again I'm giving up soda because having access to free soda is worse than over-sized $1 soda. Also trying to give up "negativity" It's important to be positive in such uncertain times.

Tomorrow is Friday. I don't know what I'm going to do for dinner but I'm looking forward to making everyone else's.
tarantula: (vii)
I was right! Mondays are terrible with our cut staff. I can't do three peoples' jobs in an hour. I barely even was able to do the job I was hired for. Then I had to keep on top of tree stations with a massive lunch rush to the door.

"Want to do me a favor?"
No, I fucking don't. I want to do my job. You do yours. But of course I didn't say that. I said what and did the thing. Or part of it anyway.

Also our dishwasher didn't show so that double sucked. Never enough bowls for the soup. Never enough soup for the students.

The food they send over is not as good as the stuff we made in house. I thought the brownies looked really nice, they were thick and fluffy but that beauty did not translate to taste. The brownies our bakery made were thin but they were gooey and delicious. The pizza is lacking. They have the same guy putting them through the oven, but they aren't his pizzas.

I hate it. I hate the change.
Just three more months.
tarantula: (iv)
I lost my glasses somewhere in the snow.
I'm sick of being cold.
I wasn't able to rescue the salads and expiring food last night because the guy I was closing with was way too quick at locking up and he took the keys.

Things aren't all bad, I'm just complaining.

On a positive note, the stronger meds the vet prescribed for my Leon are working. His coat looks so much better, he's excited about treats again and his ability to climb and balance has returned! He still sounds congested but it's only 4 days into a 14 day round. I'm so happy to have my little buddy back.

Anyway how are you?

What does this image say to you?
I'm not feeling inspired by it. I need to stop dragging my feet on this challenge and write something but meh, I kind of just want to get back to million Voltron WIPs and half ideas.
tarantula: (iv)
It's like you're given a car. It's old and has a few problems but you put in the effort and time to fix it up. Then once you've gotten it running smoothly and planning on getting that shiny new coat of paint, they take it back and crash it into a tree.

That's basically what work is right now. I don't know what is going to happen with me. Where I'll be Monday to Thursday. Fridays I'm still working at the bistro.

Also started my art class, I was scars it would mostly be kids since it is a class for ages 14+ but it is actually mostly people preparing for retirement. There is a couple high schoolers. Overall I think I'm really going to enjoy it. So that's one good thing about this week.

Tomorrow I'm going to a hookah bar for the first time. So that's exciting too.
tarantula: (x)
My art class starts tomorrow! I am excited but also terrified to tell anyone irl that I'm taking it. I always felt discouraged from art. I can't remember receiving any praise for pictures I drew as a kid. That's not to say it never happened but I do have vivid memories of my mother rolling her eyes at a piece I was proud of. She didn't think it was any good apparently.

I can just see telling her what I'm going to be doing Wednesday nights and hearing, "Why? You're not an artist. You're wasting your money."
(Everything is a waste of money - tattoos, games, baking from scratch - so I stopped caring a long time ago. It's all relative and economics taught me that everything is worth what someone is willing to pay for it.)


It sucks okay. It sucks to feel like you can't be any good at something because someone else decided a long time ago that you weren't.
tarantula: (ii)
This was the weirdest week.

But it's Friday. I like Fridays because I get to do the cooking for a few hours.
And the jazz band is having a jam session in our lobby.

Next week the art class I've been looking forward to finally starts. It got delayed 2 weeks.

Only, 3 and a half months left of the school year. I want to get a summer job in Sandpoint so I better start looking. Now I have retail, office, animal, and food experience. I should be able to find something.

Then I'll have the space and freedom to work on my tiny house.

Good things still happening, no need to complain.
tarantula: (vii)
It cost me $54 to get home last night. For those of you keeping score, that means I made about $20!

There's so much snow. My lift driver couldn't get up the hill. We got stuck on a side street trying to get to a different route and ended up backtracking quite a ways. Then the street I live on was completely blocked by mounds of snow. No one had driven on it in hours. Had to walk from there.

We're back to December levels of snow. Only the last few weeks it spent melting so there's a lot more ice under all that fluff.
tarantula: (iv)
UHHHHHHHHHHG, I have three stories started. Plus two or three other little ideas I've been jotting down or thinking about. I need to stop starting things before finishing anything.

Two fills for a kink meme
- one of them basically just needs 100 or so words and editing
- the other I'm trying really hard to not fall into the "Space Parents uwu" trap the pairing is plagued with

A really terrible soulbond AU idea

Some hurt/comfort with bonus pining thing

This longfic about a king and his knight and they are in love and cliche it needs a lot of work
- I should just sit down and bang out an outline because multi chapter works are scary



On a different note, I have been wanting to record my voice and play games on stream. Recently my old headphones started to go so I was forced buy a new pair. I ended up getting one with a mic. Now I don't have an excuse. Other than I think I'm coming down with the flu.
tarantula: (xi)
Okay. Today's the day! Going to watch this Yuri on Ice nonsense. I decided to watch the combined dub because it sounded like an interesting experiment.

Live blogging reactions/thoughts in the comments.
tarantula: (x)
Comment with a fanfic trope and, if you'd like, a character/pairing, and I will tell you:
• how likely I am to write it
• A few lines of theoretical fic


vaguely about Voltron S2 )
tarantula: (iii)
First day back to work. It wasn't so bad but in a lot of ways it was also the worst.

- There was an extra row of tables so we didn't have enough napkin dispensers or salt and pepper shakers
+ Lucky the manager ordered replacement napkin disperses before the break
- But we are out of napkins
- The tables were filthy and the chairs has some kind of white powder film on them?
- I forgot about the dishes until just before it would become a problem. Everyone else did too, it seems, since the cabinet was still locked
- They had me on register until just after noon when a huge rush hit
- We were not prepared for the rush
- I still don't have permission to open the till
- The dish washer was broken so the guys in the dish room had to rinse and scrub by hand
+ Lucky we had paper everything so it wasn't too much for them to handle
- The dinner staff lost 3 people so there goes my chances of getting that 9-2 shift I wanted. Probably will end up with 9-3. (all I wanted was to cut out my lunch because it's weird and awkward plus most days I don't want to eat)
- STG moved into our kitchen so there's even less counter space to prep
+ They seem nice though. Once we get used to each other I hope we can be friends
- The roof is leaking
+ It was easy to get back into things once I remembered the times things needed to happen by
+ I was surprised at how awake I was this morning. Sitting at lunch chatting with my co-workers at a time I was usually still asleep during break was nice.
- There is over a foot of snow and huge banks along the roads and all of it is melting then freezing over night

I'm just waiting on a pizza now. I'm in no mood to cook.
tarantula: (iv)
My mom is so nosy.

I mentioned to her that one of my friends lost her job so we were going to get dinner and drinks. She kept asking for details. All I know is "attendance" that's all she said.
> I got fired :(
> Oh no! What happened?
> attendance
Then she changed the topic to job hunting and when I'd be free to hang out.

Mom still wanted all the dirty details. Was she calling in sick? Just not showing up? I didn't ask and she didn't offer. So that's the end of it.

Also saw A Monster Calls with Guy-I-know last Thursday. It was good, really sad though. I loved the water color animation! It was so pretty and fantastical. I shouldn't have bought the large combo though. He didn't even eat any of the popcorn. :/

Other news: Voltron Season 2 is Friday! I hope there's a few cute Sheith moments. I just, I don't know, I love how they are just there to support and ground each other. All it takes is a shoulder touch or a word and things are just a little bit better - re-centered and focused. It's just such a good ship. Antis are dumb.

I get the appeal of Klance. It's just not something that ever appealed to me. The rivalry ship. I enjoy their interactions and want to see them grow as teammates. Maybe then? I think I'll just stick to shipping Lance with Hunk and Pidge though.

My thoughts on shipping and high school-me below:
Read more... )

maybe next time I'll talk about how I just agreed when told some guy hot when I really had no opinion on the subject. Srsly, teen-me, how did you ever think you were straight?
tarantula: (ix)
Hello! Lots of snow here in the Inland Northwest.

Let's start things off with a little get to know you thing I copied from Tumblr. It's easier than me just rambling about myself when I wouldn't even know what to say.

1. The meaning behind my URL
I like spiders. It doesn't really have a meaning

2. A picture of me
Too lazy to take one and I don't have anything current

3. Piercings I have
Just 3 in my ears

4. Piercings I want
I like lip rings but I don't think I could pull one off. Maybe a spider bite or just stick a few more in my ears. I have to be careful with piercings. When working with food you're not supposed to have them in and more than just earrings are considered unprofessional so I'm not sure if I will get more.

6. Favorite Band
I like Fall Out Boy and Sabaton. I don't really follow bands. I have playlists full of songs by artists I've never heard more than the one song from

7. Biggest turn off(s)
Uh, bathroom stuff?

10. Biggest turn on(s)
If you must know, I'm really into cross dressing and attractive bondage
I love to write about scars and hands though

8. Tattoos I have
My doggy's pawprint on my chest left side and a huge decorated anchor on my left arm

9. Tattoos I want
• My old lady-rat's pawprint
• A sword lily on my chest/sternum
• I doodle a girl with a fishbowl for a head sometimes, I want her on my right upper arm
• Been thinking about a "Look not the Watchers" tattoo of some kind
• I'd want something elegant winding up my legs if I do tattoo my legs
• I want my stomach done by summer
And about a dozen other things

11. Age
26

13. Life goal(s)
• Fully tattooed arms
• Living debt free
• Independence in a tiny home

15. Relationship status
Complicated? There's a guy I met on Tinder. We had our first date/meet up last October and I'm going to see him for the second time ever Thursday. Two dates in 3 months. Not very promising.

16. Favorite movie
Jurassic Park will forever be my answer. There are lots of movies I really love and could call favorites but I think JP is the most important one to me. It's my childhood.
Forever bitter that JP3 broke up baby's first OTP

17. A fact about my life
It took me way too long to figure out my bisexuality. I had always been told that it's normal for girls to look at each other and think other girls are pretty and even practice kissing together. All normal straight not at all gay behavior.

18. Phobia
Roller-coasters. I still ride them - some of them, that is specific ones I've ridden before - but I'm terrified that the ride will start before I'm secured or the restraints will fail mid ride

19. Middle name
Ann

20. Anything you want to ask
AMA!!

Go ahead and ask anything you want. I'm an open book.
tarantula: (ix)
I have decided. I want the tiny house life. I've been looking into it and they're not too expensive to buy but I would still have difficulty affording them. However I did find some plans that I like! So I'm going to go for it. Dad can help.

My plan:

The rest of the winter-spring:

• Be more responsible with spending
• Take any offer of overtime
• Start selling off junk and clothes I don't need
• Get my driving licences

Once the school year closes:

• Get a Summer job in Sandpoint
• Move myself and building supplies to the lake
• Build house there

Anytime between now and then:

• Buy and trailer (new) for the house
• Buy a truck or towing vehicle of some kind
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